Almost every question majored on " partygate", with any Hotel Rwanda queries belatedly tacked on as an afterthought. But the PM’s misdemeanours were of far greater interest. Some of the assembled reporters pooh-poohed the proposals with lashings of Amnesty International-style sanctimoniousness. (More obvious ‘i’ words such as “impractical”, “illogical”, “or even “insane”, hadn’t made the cut.) He promised “to identify, intercept and investigate” small boats, and bragged of his “innovative approach”. It was even more alliterative than usual, as if hurriedly written with a single dictionary page open for reference. RANDOM COUNTRY GENERATOR GENERATORThe hand of the random word generator lay heavily on the PM’s speech too. Hotel California and The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel were presumably a no-go too, with their unfortunate echoes of green cards and non-dom status. The Grand Budapest Hotel was out – try getting Viktor Orban to sign up to that. I half-wondered if the policy had been devised by rifling through some old DVDs Rishi had left behind in the No 11 flat. Yet again he evoked the Johnsonian lodestars, “Our NHS and Our welfare state”, and the “unmanageable demands” placed on them by Channel crossings.Īdmittedly Rwanda as offshore processing centre of choice seemed like a bit of a coin-toss what was left when the random country generator had finished whirring. Praising Britain as a “beacon of openness and generosity”, he cited historic migration flows ranging from French Huguenots and Jewish refugees from Tsarist Russia, to a rather more rogue choice for a Tory PM to invoke – “the docking of the Empire Windrush”. Gone were the avian gobbling noises that usually punctuate his delivery (“Bah! Uhhh! Buh! Bleargh!” – like a turkey with a 40-a-day smoking habit.) Instead, as he unveiled his new plan for dealing with Channel migrants, the PM tried to sound as reasonable as possible solemn, statesmanlike, cruel to be kind, harsh but fair – in direct contrast to the wackiness of the scheme. We knew things were serious, because the Prime Minister had unleashed his trademark “reading things out” voice.
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